Holidays Autism Style – Part 3

December 16, 2022December 16, 2022 / gettingmyjoyback / Leave a comment

The Overwhelming Smells of the Holidays

In “Holidays Autism Style“, we talked in general about some of the basics like who, when, where, etc. and even had some general tips to help you out.

We followed that with, “Holidays Autism Style – Part 2“. There we reminded everyone of the bright lights, either direct or reflected.

So I felt it was only appropriate to hit on the smells during the holidays in, “Holidays Autism Style – Part 3”.

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

Holidays, next to going out to a restaurant, are probably the worst time of year to be overwhelmed by smells.

Here’s a short list of some of the more commonly associated smells during the holidays:

Pine, spruce, any evergreens for trees, wreaths, garlands, and center pieces
Orange, lemon, lime, apple, cranberry, cherry, raisins
Cloves, cinnamon, nutmeg, cardamom, peppermint, chocolate, vanilla, rosemary, marshmallow, brown sugar
Eggnog, cider, coffee, hot chocolate, alcoholic drinks, punch, tea, wine
Cookies, bars, pies, cakes of all flavors and scents, gingerbread, icing, fresh baked bread/buns
Turkey, ham, potatoes, yam, cranberry sauce, squash, corn, green beans
Fresh fallen snow or rain, wet clothes from playing in the snow,
Fireplace, roasting chestnuts

Oh, and let’s not forget to include the smokers smell.

Advice – if you’re not smokers, consider making sure your coat, or child’s coat, is not in the same pile of the smokers’ coats or hanging next to theirs. From experience, this is a major thing we do every time we visit as long as we have control over the placement.

In a north central state of the United States, we probably have different smells than those of the southern, eastern or western states. Every country has unique smells in which they are accustomed.

So why are ‘smells’ a big thing at the holidays?

Autistic people and anyone with sensory processing disorders struggle with SENSORY issues. Smell is still one of the five senses.

When our ASD and SPD children and family members are overwhelmed by smells, they typically respond much differently than the average person. From getting nauseated or vomiting to running away, the response is as unique as each individual.

Oh yeah, what about this one?

PERFUME! COLOGNE! Aftershave too. Ya don’t even have to have sensory issues or a diagnoses to know how these smells can affect you.

YOU are the expert on your child or family member!

I work hard to be an expert on my autistic son and almost daily discover that I have a long way to go. Just when I think I have it figured out, somehow he changes how he handles situations. Good and/or bad.

Keep in mind that your special needs family member will succeed much more readily if you grant them grace.

Give them the option to sit away from all the smells of the meal table.

They may even do much better if you allow them to sit in another room, away from others. “Alone!” Don’t worry. Remember, we mentioned ‘senses’. They can still hear all that is going on. But you will be setting them up for successful eating if you allow them space to partake in the meal. This may also help them to just focus on the smells of their plate and not everyone around them.

We still fill our son’s plate. Even as a young teen. He can quickly get overwhelmed with the smells in the kitchen, especially on top of the noise and closeness of people. We let him know what’s available and ask him what he’d like.

We’ve learned to NOT put a little of everything on his plate. Just having something undesirable, for sight or smell, can affect how he sees and smells other items.

Our minds work through our sight to also give us a clue on what the texture of food might be. You may think they should be able to eat something but their brain may be telling them that item or pile is not going to feel good in their mouth.

Smells for edible, non-edible, and age appropriate things abound during the holidays. WE know that. They know that. That’s why they’re struggling more than normal.

So why do we expect our children to have it together? The mentality of them needing to be perfect “today” doesn’t make sense when a good portion of their yesterdays weren’t “perfect”.

If you know from past experience that they struggle with different foods, take something along that they will eat. It’s always better to have some kind of food in the tummy rather than nothing.

Do they have a smell that they really like? Grab some lip balm, a treat, an essential oil, or even a fluffy animal or blanket that has a scent they like. They can carry this item with them to help ground their senses.

Relatives?

Caring ones will understand the take on “something is better than nothing”. They will also be the ones who are just glad you all came.

Annoying people or know-it-alls. Well, I’m guessing they are like that about everything. They always know more, know better, have the best things you should do or try. Sometimes, they’ll even be bold enough to offer to “fix” your kid for you. These people have NO clue. They are not worth your energy or time. Yes, we’ve experienced this ourselves. And, unfortunately, I wasted time thinking that maybe they did know better.

It all boils down to what your child or family member needs.

When you get insight into your child and their needs, that is gold. You were chosen to be their parent or caregiver. You can do this. You, with their help, can determine what you can or are willing to try to endure during the holidays.

Holidays Autism Style – Part 2

December 9, 2022December 8, 2022 / gettingmyjoyback / Leave a comment

Let’s Light It Up

Decoration time! In the spirit of the current holidays, Halloween through New Years, let’s get the party going!

Lights around every window, door, roof, roof angle, tree, bush, deck, staircase, and on the Christmas tree. That’s just in the home!

Busy street lights, additionally lit up with lighted decorative ‘city’ ornaments or wreaths.

Brick and mortar stores with lit roof lines, store windows, one or many Christmas trees and of course the business lights themselves.

Almost every neighborhood development has some kind of bushes or trees at their entrance decorated with lights. Usually white or off-white, yet it seems there is never just one lit tree.

Then someone created the blow-up ornaments. Those big yard ones that inflate during the evening/night hours and are all bright and beautiful, or annoying, then deflate in the morning when the timer goes off or you remember to unplug them.

If you’re in the northern states, provinces, or countries around the world, SNOW!

One thing about winter that is nice, having a decent blanket of snow makes it easier to see things or people in your yard at night.

Photo by u0415u0432u0433u0435u043du0438u0439 u041au0430u0440u0435u043fu0430u043du043eu0432 on Pexels.com

If you didn’t catch the clue, snow is Reflective!

On the other hand, you add all the decorations and lights to a bright white blanket of snow and you’ve magnified the little or lot that you just put up.

“Artificial light that bounces off snow can be twice as bright as the full moon at its most radiant, a new study reveals. And that could mean bad news for cities trying to reduce their light pollution.

Researchers studied differences in sky brightness in three areas: a village near the Arctic Circle and the suburbs of Germany, both with recently fallen snow, and a remote, snowless Latvian beach. A blanket of new snow could increase the amount of light in the sky above a suburban area by as much as 33% on a clear night, the team reports this month in the Journal of Imaging.

When the sky was cloudy, the brightness rose almost 200%, more than twice as bright as the full moon.”

https://www.science.org/content/article/light-reflected-fresh-snow-can-outshine-moon

After the moon, Jupiter and Venus are the brightest objects in the night sky. Until Christmas and the month of Ramadan.

Of course, that was referring to the entire earth. But our little piece of earth, our home or community, is still impacted during the holiday season. Like mentioned in Holidays Autism Style, this tends to start around Halloween and goes through New Years.

What if God wanted to shine His light as He has done in the past?

Wise Men from the East

1Now after Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judea in the days of Herod the king, behold, wise men from the East came to Jerusalem, 2saying, “Where is He who has been born King of the Jews? For we have seen His star in the East and have come to worship Him.”

3When Herod the king heard this, he was troubled, and all Jerusalem with him. 4And when he had gathered all the chief priests and scribes of the people together, he inquired of them where the Christ was to be born.

5So they said to him, “In Bethlehem of Judea, for thus it is written by the prophet:

6‘But you, Bethlehem, in the land of Judah,

Are not the least among the rulers of Judah;

For out of you shall come a Ruler

Who will shepherd My people Israel.’ ”

7Then Herod, when he had secretly called the wise men, determined from them what time the star appeared. 8And he sent them to Bethlehem and said, “Go and search carefully for the young Child, and when you have found Him, bring back word to me, that I may come and worship Him also.”

9When they heard the king, they departed; and behold, the star which they had seen in the East went before them, till it came and stood over where the young Child was. 10When they saw the star, they rejoiced with exceedingly great joy. 11And when they had come into the house, they saw the young Child with Mary His mother, and fell down and worshiped Him. And when they had opened their treasures, they presented gifts to Him: gold, frankincense, and myrrh.

12Then, being divinely warned in a dream that they should not return to Herod, they departed for their own country another way.
https://www.bible.com/bible/114/MAT.2.NKJV

Photo by u041cu0430u0440u0438u044f on Pexels.com

Would we even have an opportunity to see it?

Everything around is so bright. In fact, the brighter is supposed to be more beautiful, right?

Many people and kids, especially with autism, get overwhelmed with all the bright lights of various colors, shapes, and displays. Again, as mentioned before, keeping up with the ‘jones’ is not necessary. Now they even have light shows that can be coordinated to music.

It is perfectly okay to enjoy decorating and and to see the beautiful lights of the holiday season.

Just be aware of the ‘why’. If it’s stressing you out and you’ve realized that your special needs child is aggravated by the bright lights, is it a necessary item in order to still enjoy the Meaning of the season?

The Dreaded Normal vs Abnormal

December 2, 2022November 30, 2022 / gettingmyjoyback / Leave a comment

I’m not sure how things are for your autism family.

Maybe you’ve figured out how to have your kiddo whipped into shape. I have a future story to correlate with that statement but that’s for another time.

So if you’re not there yet, you’re not alone!

Of course, I believe it’s pretty rare to have a perfect family.

Everyone is unique. Autism or not! Every family is unique. Autism child or not!

Researching, I found another promising website with autism information, altogetherautism.org.nz. I say promising only because I haven’t fully had an opportunity to delve in yet. But I’m looking forward to reading more. I’m all for gathering information because you never know when that knowledge can be useful.

On the site, I found this great list that we all too often set aside because of the chaos and exhaustion that comes in dealing with autism.

Strengths and abilities in autism

Autistic people may display a range of strengths and abilities that can be directly related to their diagnosis, including:
Learning to read at a very early age (known as hyperlexia).
Memorizing and learning information quickly.
Thinking and learning in a visual way.
Logical thinking ability.
May excel (if able) in academic areas such as science, engineering and mathematics as they are technical and logical subjects that do not heavily rely on social interaction.
Having an extraordinarily good memory (being able to remember facts for a long period of time).
Being precise and detail orientated.
Exceptional honesty and reliability.
Being dependable in regards to schedules and routines.
Having an excellent sense of direction.
Be very punctual.
Strong adherence to rules.
Able to concentrate for long periods of time when motivated.
A drive for perfection and order.
A capability for alternate problem solving.
A rare freshness and sense of wonderment.

Each child may not have all these strengths and abilities. Guaranteed as you read them, you see specific ones that warm your heart as you see they explain your child.

In the chaotic, and occasionally calm moments, I see a variety of his strengths shining through. Even if it’s as simple as bringing a smile to someone else’s face.

Homeschooling has given me the ability to see almost all of these since I see him more throughout the day.

One thing I still have not figured out, is how one of these strengths will shine through one time and yet another time, it is no where to be found.

The only thing that makes sense is the internal things going on that day; lack of sleep, tummy or body aches, emotional state, and what might be going through his mind at that exact moment.

I just wish there was a marquee giving me advance warning of the “danger ahead”.

Photo by Ekaterina Belinskaya on Pexels.com

It’s crazy how a near meltdown on one of the listed items can co-exist with a different strength showing with success.

Then I think of “normal” human beings.

We too can have our “meltdowns“. Things that didn’t or aren’t going as we expected them to go. Yet in that “hot mess“, we are successful with another part of the situation.

“I was a hot mess!”

Have you heard that phrase? It seems it’s becoming more popular by adults to explain their “meltdown”.

Society, and even individuals, tends to rate things and situations as “normal” or “abnormal“.

If you find the book that states every exact situation and it’s correlating response, emotion, and thought, PLEASE let me know!

I’ve missed it even with all the online data that is now available.

You too?

Let me remind you, not just today, this holiday season, or next year but every single day . . . Your normal is YOUR normal.

Your child’s normal is THEIR normal.

I started this post, “I’m not sure how things are for your autism family.” But I will end by saying, you make the decisions that work for you! No one else’s opinion matters. That also goes for what you consider normal!

The Storm Before the Calm

November 25, 2022November 17, 2022 / gettingmyjoyback / Leave a comment

It’s been an interesting day. In homeschooling, my son and I we’re talking about tornadoes. For this post, I was already planning on talking about the idea that a storm can actually result in a breakthrough.

Then on Hulu, I was watching Station 19, S3 E16, “Louder Than a Bomb”. Meredith Grey, from Grey’s Anatomy, was talking with Andi Herrera from Station 19. Andi had been through the recent loss of her father who actually gave his life in order to save the Station 19 department which were trapped in a burning storage facility. Andi then finds out that her mother, whom she thought had died, is actually still alive.

Andi was in a mental and emotional storm. It also affected her physically as the stress of finding out her mother was alive caused her to hyperventilate, jerk her arms in certain motions, and cry. In the episode, Meredith Grey tells Andi,

“Sometimes what seems like a breakdown can actually be a breakthrough.”

In preparing for this post, I searched specifically “can a breakdown cause a breakthrough” and I immediately found this,

“Often breakdowns can lead to breakthroughs. They can lead us down a path to better understanding ourselves and our emotions. At first, we can feel out-of-control and overwhelmed with our feelings of despair and anxiety. It’s hard to see that what we are going through is often a gift wrapped in a not-so-pretty package.”
https://kristendboice.com/breakdowns-can-lead-to-breakthroughs/#:~:text=Often%20breakdowns%20can%20lead%20to,not%2Dso%2Dpretty%20package.

I don’t know about you but there’s been many times in my life when the storm has been so disastrous, I never thought I’d see the light of day. Sometimes, like a hurricane, the calm of the eye was quickly replaced by the second wave.

No one is the same.

No one experiences things the same.

No one goes through the exact same things.

What you’ve gone through and endured is important and real. Your perception of what happened is real because it’s YOUR perception. You are unique. Your personality, feelings, and thoughts are unique.

Don’t let anyone tell you different. Don’t let anyone tell you that what you’ve gone through shouldn’t be ‘a big deal’.

What I’ve experienced in life, is the variety of people I encounter. Some put on a facade. You know that look when they are trying to conceal something unpleasant. Many are very good about hiding behind a mask. Some just stuff it down and say ‘nothing happened’. Others talk about it in a way to gain sympathy. There are those who use their experiences as a crutch and an excuse. Some are open to talking about what they went through because it’s more of a THERAPY and they want to Help Others who may be stuck. Even if that other person is in the outside bands of the hurricane, they are technically in the storm.

There’s been times when I thought I was crazy. Times when I’m pretty sure family thought I was crazy. Yet those times have led me through therapy and out the other side to ‘see the light of day’ once again.

Covid-19 made the perfect slide for me to go down into a dark hole. My persistence to fight found a way out. Then with a helping hand, a.k.a. therapy, I was able to walk through those outer bands of the hurricane.

For me, it was PTSD in relation to my childhood. Growing up in an abusive home of all types, including sexual abuse. Even though I thought I had fought to get past it, there were still remnants that I was made aware of. It came up like a brand new storm.

Let me encourage you. Do not listen to ANYone who tells you anything resembling, I thought you dealt with that. You have a right to peel one layer off at a time. Even only part of a layer. You have a right to process the storm in your life, YOUR WAY. Some people don’t want to hear about problems because it might bring light to their own. Don’t worry. If someone doesn’t want to listen then they are not worth your time. You are valuable. What you went through or are going through is a big deal.

My prayer for you is that you begin or continue finding your way out of the storm. That you find a way to and can say, I’m “getting my joy back”.

Holidays Autism Style

November 18, 2022December 8, 2022 / gettingmyjoyback / Leave a comment

When, Where, Who, How, and How Long

Oh, all the things the holiday season can bring. Now-a-days it starts right around Halloween.

Now we’re heading into pre-Black Friday, Thanksgiving, Black ~~Friday~~ Weekend, Christmas, and New Years.

The “masks” get put on by most everyone. We’ve gotta set a good impression with family, friends, and rarely seen relatives. Everyone wants to show that they’ve got it together and are successful. Travel here, travel there, pack it all in.

For whom? Why? Who says you have to? Keeping up with the ‘jones’? If you’re an adult, you get to choose.

We’ve made necessary changes in recent years. We can thank covid-19 for helping us see things more clearly.

PEACE!

Photo by Oleksandr Pidvalnyi on Pexels.com

I encourage you to do what is best for your family and especially your autistic family member. You don’t need to force them to endure multiple people, large crowds, tons of noise, quick actions, singing, drinking, extremely irritating bright twinkling lights, sitting on Santa’s lap, and holiday shopping. It can be hard enough on children just enduring all the different smells of the season.

It’s not just one holiday with a decent break before another. From October 31, to December 31, there are FOUR holidays! In two months, we experience Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s.

That doesn’t include other religious holidays like Hanukkah. Or other gatherings like church events, school parties and programs, and community events like light shows, tours, or caroling. School atmosphere changes. Long holiday school breaks. Eating habits are out the window. Let’s not forget that many deal with two sides of the family that are begging or demanding that you attend. And then you also might have that intimate family gathering for just your household peeps.

Crazy what we feel we have to pack into two months!

Some tips for the holiday season:

Decide “why” you’re doing what you’re doing
Preparation – some autistic children can handle this and for some there is just too much anxiety associated with knowing what’s coming. Maybe wait until a day or two before.
Decorations and lighting – if your child struggles with the lights and/or the reflections off all the shiny decorations, maybe choose to create your own paper decorations and have momentos for future years. Every year, add a new handmade decoration to the collection.
- Some may recommend taking the child with you shopping for decorations. In that, is how we learned it didn’t matter. Bright was bright, store and at home.
Gradually decorate your home. For some, this is a long process. You get it all officially up, just to begin taking it down and sometimes need to do that gradually as well.
- Changing or limiting what you decorate can also be an option.
Don’t keep your child’s hope up that they might get the gift they’ve asked for when you do not intend to get it for them.
- It does not help either to pass the responsibility of not coming through on a gift to Santa. Many times parents don’t want to be truthful because they don’t want to hurt their child’s feelings. So, in the spirit of Christmas and “Santa”, they advise their children, “well, maybe you should ask Santa for that”.
- If it’s due to finances, there is no disgrace in explaining that what they desire is just too much this year. You have a great opportunity to educate through this. They can’t have everything they want, when they want. They’ll appreciate the gift even more when they do receive it.
- If it’s due to age or developmental age, just be honest with them and tell them you don’t feel that it’s an appropriate gift at this time. You can agree that it would be really cool and still get the point across that they are not ready for it yet.
Visitors and being a visitor – let your child have a safe place where they can escape all the noise and people. Even if it’s just a couple extra people. One more person adds an entirely new dynamic for your child to handle.
- It’s also helpful to make a plan ahead of time. A dedicated space for them that everyone attending can honor.
- You also can make the decision to leave. If you’ve been emotionally forced into attending, decide ahead of time that you have a set time to leave or that you leave when your child has hit their limit. Hey, you showed up, Right?
- If it’s your turn to host and you know that it’s going to be more detrimental to you and your child than good, opt out of hosting. Sometimes, it is just easier to alleviate stress in anyway we actually have control over. This then allows you to attend and leave at your will. It’s too hard to kick people out when they’re in your home.
Travel – don’t pick out favorite toys for your child unless they are completely unable to communicate. When telling your child the schedule of events, let them choose what they think might help them in that situation. Make a cheat sheet for yourself for that ‘in the moment’ situation. Kindly remind your child that they made the choice that this toy, book, blanket, or food might help them during a time like this.
Photo Album – in advance you can share pictures of people they might see there. You know your child the best. Be aware that pictures of people may cause frustration if some of those people aren’t there. It’s the opposite of what/who they were expecting.
Pictures – suggest to others that it if they want pictures, take them right away and then give your child time to get away while pictures are being taken of everyone else. Thankfully these days there are no bursting bulbs like back in the day on old cameras. None the less, picture taking can be an uncomfortable and overwhelming situation. Especially if you’re cramming people together to fit them all in.
- For the big family picture, make sure your immediate family group is situated off to one side. If needed, let your autistic family member be on the very end standing by someone they trust, like you or a sibling.
Gifts – this can be a tricky thing for ALL children, autistic or not. It’s a learning time. Educate ahead of time as much as you can. Leave room for them to be a kid. We can’t always prepare for everything. And, they just might surprise you.
Bring some foods that the child will eat. Let them decide if they want to try the offered food. If not, pull out the simple foods you brought along that you ‘know’ they will eat.
- If other attendees are upset about that, nicely tell them you are thankful that your child is eating something period. Besides, if you’re still at the event when supper is ready, that in itself can be a huge accomplishment.
You know your child the best! – Yes, you do. You know what they can and cannot handle. You know their fears. You know the situations that typically cause distress for them. You get to decide, along with the help of your child, what you and they need.
Tantrum vs Meltdown – It’s inevitable that you’ll cross paths with someone who speaks up about your child having a ‘tantrum’.
- Don’t be afraid to speak up about the difference. Tantrums are what children have when they don’t get their way. Meltdowns are what autistic children have when they no longer can tolerate their noisy, bright, and busy world. It’s important to try to educate the people in our circles.

Last but certainly not least, YOU know you, your family, and your child the best. Be prepared for those pesky comments. Don’t try to put too much preparation in figuring out every possible situation and response you should have. Remember, you’re trying to reduce stress not create more.

You also are the best advocate for your autistic family member. You have a right to make a decision that’s best for them and your family and stick with that plan. Having a general statement like, “Thank you, we’ll think about that,” gets you out of having to make a rash decision. Besides, holidays are not the time to hash things out. Be okay with not always having to immediately explain yourself and your decisions. It’s your life not theirs.

From a fellow autistic family, I sincerely hope you find strength this holiday season to make decisions or stand stronger than in past years. If past years have been tough, it does not mean you failed. It only means, you’ve learned from experience and are choosing a different path this year.

Blessings, Safety, and PEACE as you navigate the upcoming holiday season!

Finding Joy in Voting

November 11, 2022November 16, 2022 / gettingmyjoyback / Leave a comment

Note: This is NOT a political ad nor does it bash anyone.

😀 But it won’t matter anyway since 2022 voting is over. 😀

I don’t know about you but for me voting season . . . yuk! 😩

Every voting year the commercials and game ads are filled with candidate ads. From “vote for me, I’m this or that” to “so-and-so lied, cheated, caused a scandal, or gave up principles to get more funding for their state”. And the list goes on. News stories are sometimes presented to be more one-sided. They can even be racially, gender, ethical, and religion sided.

Yet, every 2 years, I push myself to go out and vote. Because, it’s a free right I have. And, I believe voices matter.

Then there’s Facebook, other platforms, and just plain communicating with people. Friends arguing! Christians arguing! Family arguing!

I mean, SERIOUSLY!

Two years ago and today, I was able to take our son with because we homeschool. We took advantage of it and asked questions along the way. From verifying our identification to filling out a ballot correctly/neatly and to watching the ballot machine as it finished “eating” our ballot.

Okay, so I gotta share a funny.

Where we live, we vote in the gym of a local school. The entire time in the gym there was a noise over by the ballot counting machine. I thought there was an update to how the voting process works. But, I stayed focused on my son and educating him on proper procedures.

That noise kept annoying me though.

Then I started thinking that all of the chaos of the voting season may have just caught up with me.

Finally at the private ballot cubicle, I decided I’m sure that I’ve figured out what that noise is.

Focusing on continuing to educate my son, I meticulously worked on filling in those ovals and made sure he understood the importance of doing it correctly for voting and tests that he would encounter.

Done!

We mosey on over and wait in line to put the ballot into the machine.

And that noise was even louder!!

Educating my son again, I explained what we were about to do with the ballot. I also finished it by saying, “They must have made some changes to the machine. Apparently it now shreds the ballots.” And we were immediately told it was our turn.

Now to focus on placing it into the machine and wait for the counter to change over from number 445 to 446.

To my dismay, the gal helping at the machine heard what I told my son and said, “No! It doesn’t shred them. That noise is from the air duct up there.” I looked up to what she pointed to and sure enough about 4-5 feet above the ballot machine on the wall there really was a large air duct.

Can you say, embarrassing? (Hence, this story is in a red block.)

If I did wear hats, this would have been an appropriate time to pull that large brim, down!

Yep! True story.

The entire time in the gym I had been thinking it was a shredder over by the ballot machine. Yet, no shredder in sight. Well, it had to be IN the machine. And yet again, part of my brain was thinking they can’t shred ballots because of possible recounts.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

That’s exactly what the gal mentioned after looking back towards us from looking up at that air duct.

I tried to recover by saying, “I didn’t think they shred them but the noise sounded like it was the machine.”

We each received our voting stickers and I walked out of the gym saying to my son, “Oh my gosh! That stupid air duct. They really need to fix it.”

So I’ve spent several moments on and off today thinking about that.

I remind myself that it at least brought a smile to her face.

Go ahead! Have a laugh! 😂🤣 I am too now.

Back to my original purpose in writing.

In voting years past, one side was not allowed to speak up against the other side. But the other side gave themselves permission to bash, scold, ridicule, and speak so demeaning to the one side that it seemed they wanted the one side to be wiped out, sent to a remote island, or at the minimum possibly jailed.

The worst seems to come out in everyone. That includes the bashing that opponents do to each other. Tearing each other down to NOTHING! The scum of the earth! Then after the election they put on a happy face to “work together” again.

I seriously hate the change we see in people during voting season.

Maybe this was only happening in our neck of the country.

Maybe some of our friends, family, and church family were the only ones doing this.

Maybe it was our fault and we needed to be corrected.

Maybe! Maybe! Maybe! Oh, the things that run through our minds!

So, this year was going to be different.

We didn’t watch the news. We hardly do anyway.
We get the weather on a weather app.
We quickly mute the tv during commercials.
We did complain, only in our home, about all the trees being cut down to grace our mailbox daily with political posters of various sizes.
We got frustrated with the barrage of unsolicited texts on our phones.
This year, there was only a couple emails.
We used it as an educational purpose for our son to remind him that people can have their own opinion even if it’s different from ours.

I felt I had prepared myself pretty well. We finished homeschool. I put my Lavender essential oil on and took a good whiff. Didn’t have to stand in a line outside this year. Was well pleased with the checking-in process this year and validating we are real people.

I was fully prepared to have “joy” in the voting process this year.

And then . . .

So I not only looked at it differently, I decided I was choosing peace instead of frustration.

And I’m okay with a little embarrassment if it brought JOY to someone else.

It’s also brought me a true peace throughout a ‘typically frustrating and wishing it away’ day.

For you friends, I hope you can look back on election day and find something that helps you get your joy back! Even if it’s just the fact that your choice of candidates was elected.

If nothing comes to mind, take a moment to laugh about my shredder story! 😂

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Where Are You?

November 4, 2022November 10, 2022 / gettingmyjoyback / Leave a comment

Did you read the title as “where ARE you” or “where are YOU”?

Did you consider, “WHERE are you”?

No matter how you read it, that might seem like a no-brainer question. Your response might be, “I am where I currently am at any given time. Duh.”

Correct ✅.

Then why did I ask?

There are many parts to a human being. Physical – body. Spiritual – spirit. Mental – mind/thoughts. Emotional – emotions. And sometimes we could include superpowers 🦾

Almost every moment of life, any or every one of these are in action. Especially for women, we can tick all the boxes. For men, they actually have a “nothing” box so they literally cannot be thinking 😉. They are also not as emotional as women but they still have emotions and handle them much differently. Not our (female) fault, God created us that way. It also does not mean men are less than.

When one of these places takes up too much space in our entire being, it tips the scale.

For example: a physical injury, birth defect, disability, or a disease impacts the body. Many of these just listed, affect the physical. That then can affect the spirit. Is God mad at me?, etc. Our minds can race with an injury, a new disability, or the news of a disease. All the “w’s and sometimes h”; what, when, where, why, and how. From current, to later today, to tomorrow, next year, and through the rest of our life. And you have to add in the effects these would have on your job, school, marriage, family, etc.

I also want to acknowledge everyone who has been affected by the loss of a loved one.

Did you see though, that the thoughts easily spiraled into affecting our emotions? Sometimes we don’t even notice it until we’re a wreck. Other times, we actually can control how our emotions are responding

In my first post “Hello World“, I talked about our emotions skyrocketing or spiraling out of control. Covid-19 allowed us a place and time to hide. Home. If you did have to go out, masking up provided a literal mask.

In the above photo, along with the scale, you also see a gavel. Judgement! 👩‍⚖️

Maybe you’ve been told, “you are your own worst critic”.

I know that phrase well. Yet, if everyone was honest with themselves, I believe a part of them is always living up to someone’s expectations, real or perceived.

Maybe you’ve even been told what the correct amount of time should be to grieve, to have an injury heal, or to adjust to a disability. Or even the lovely phrases of, “just get over it” and “it’s in the past, leave it there.”

Well, I’m not here to judge. At All! I’ve also gone through many things in life and been affected by many things.

Bouncing forward to the logo above. It took me a couple weeks of dreading and searching for a logo. You know how it feels when you’ve been searching for something and you finally find what you need. Yep! That feeling!

Immediately upon seeing the tree and roots, I was hooked. And it already had the blank space where I could easily put wording in.

I’m a very visual person and if you are too, you might already be thinking and seeing what I saw. 👀

The roots – resemble everything hidden and everything we might return to. Roots can also represent us holding on to our ground. To keep grounded.

The empty space – resembles an empty space or even a middle ground. I particularly used “finger paint” font for it’s wobbly look. You can be well grounded then have something happen to disrupt that and your world starts wobbling.

The tree – arms up high, full of life, spreading out in every direction, blooming – Alive!

Now think of that same beautiful tree while a tornado is approaching. It might lose it’s leaves and a few branches and can even become wobbly. Then the tornado hits. The tree is still there. But it might be broken off, lying on the ground or tipped over far enough that it pulled the entire root system up visible to the eye.

Where are you?

Wind damaged trees by Walter Baxter is licensed under CC-BY-SA 2.0

What area, of the logo picture, are you in right now? Maybe you’ve been standing tall but getting hit by storm after storm. And maybe you’ve been so beat up that all you see is darkness and you’re searching for a calm place.

The logo for “Getting My Joy Back” is all inclusive! For everyone. Doesn’t matter where you are, where you’ve been, or how many times you’ve been beat down and gotten back up or still there trying to get up.

“Getting My Joy Back” is for all walks of life!

Hello World!

October 28, 2022November 10, 2022 / gettingmyjoyback / 1 Comment

Welcome to “Getting My Joy Back”

I’m excited to start this new journey! First the word ‘joy’ means something totally different to me than it did growing up and even up to a year ago.

‘Joy’ defined is the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires, delight. The emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation. It can also relate to a person or thing that causes happiness, success, action, or help.

What changed so abruptly for me?

Image by: pexels-alexas-fotos-2277784.jpg

My birth name was Loy. It’s a long personal story of how it came to be. Growing up always having to spell my name was frustrating. So at some point, I began to say, “it’s like joy but with an L”. At times, I was called Lori which wasn’t far off. But one time on the phone at work, a customer thought I said my name was Roy. Annoyed. But I laugh about it too, especially since I don’t have a deep voice.

While at missionary school and learning Spanish, one of the instructors was translating “I am” and said, “Yo soy, like Loy but with an S.” Everyone looked at me chuckling and of course, to counteract, I chuckled too.

At least that wasn’t as bad as the teasing growing up in elementary. Things like, “Loy boy had a toy” and many variations of anything that rhymed.

“5th Grade Hope, Eden & Natalie” by eden pictures is licensed under CC BY 2.0.

Time alleviated things. Growing up and maturing helped. But there was always a quick sigh when someone asked where I got my name. Being a truth teller, I always felt I needed to say how I was named. Otherwise, I’d be a liar.

Well, as we all know, covid-19 caused a myriad of side effects, both literally and figuratively.

Since the world had pretty much shut down, it also created safe places where people got away from all the sensory overloads of the sometimes chaotic world we live in.

In other situations, those safe places also turned into dark holes. Secluded from the sensory overloads caused time for our emotions to occasionally skyrocket or spiral out of control.

Therapy commercials abounded at every break in a show. Ads across a variety of social media platforms and games encouraged therapy. “Reach out to talk to someone.”

I’d like to say my years of bucking up, masking, and stuffing everything down was still performing at it’s best. Unfortunately, I too was hit by the effects of the current time. But in reality, it was exactly what I needed.

A couple months in, the therapist recommended another type of therapy, which I will talk about later. Almost a year into both therapies, the second therapist asked me to make a list of things I wish I could change.

The first thing on my list, my name. After telling her how I got my name, she said it was easy to change it. “What would you change it to if you could,” she asked. Immediately out of my mouth, “Joy”.

So it is with that name change, that “Getting My Joy Back” came to be. It not only changed my name but my perspective and emotions.

I hope through the posts here, that you too will be encouraged. That you’ll find you’re not alone. That you’ll find a variety of things that might help you to get your joy back. Possibly, you’re simply here looking for encouragement to give to family and friends of your own.

Welcome to: “Getting My Joy Back!”